Life is a beautiful thing. And over the past few days of contemplation over my last blog entry ailments, and having a very enlightening, much appreciated talk with my dad, I have come up with some sort of conclusion on the matter.
The questions of "why this", "why that", are irrelevant to a certain degree, because in the end if you are asking why, it will just come around full circle to why. It is a never ending question, 'why'. You Could be explaining the simple thing as a toothbrush to a kid and they could ask "Why are there such things as toothbrushes?"
"Because our teeth get dirty and need cleaning"
"Why do our teeth get dirty?"
"From lack of brushing them, and build up of all the foods we eat."
"why do we eat food?"
"to satisfy our hunger"
"Why do we get hungry?"
"it is how our bodies are designed"
"Why were our bodies designed that way?"
...
So on...
...
So fourth...
I still feel as though I am missing that connection or love if you will for God. But that is okay for the meantime. I was told by my dad, that "once you find that love for God, your questions of 'why?' will be answered."
He also told me that I may have indeed felt a sort of spirituality on that fateful Saturday night. And the reason why I may have had such a mental breakdown was due to the fact that I hadn't been to a Baha'i function in so long I saw all this love for God and spirituality present in people, that I most likely felt as though I was missing out on.
And in a sense, that is probably true to a certain degree, however, he also told me that it is all about ego or one's "self". My ego was messing with me that night. And I (people in general) need to let go of their ego's. One's ego or "self" is also responsible for bad days, it your own fault for having a bad day. So I posed the argument of the story of me falling and getting gravel in my knee, and then on my way into the house slipping in a septic tank over flow and getting covered in poo.
He said "Yeah that is a pretty bad day. So far, but you yourself can choose whether or not to have those events last with you for the rest of the day, or to forget about it and move on." Basically I can either continue to have a bad day, or make it better, my choice. Also a lot of times people set themselves up for bad days
This is another example used by my dad:
"You wake up one day, and you decide that that day you will go the movies with Lucy, and have a great time, then maybe get a bite to eat afterward, drive her home, kiss her etc.
But then what happens is you call her up, and she says she is sick."
Your whole day is ruined!! Wrong, your ego has just happened to find disappointment in a day it was expecting, but in turn got something completely different. It is okay though, you can't change the fact that she is sick, just like I couldn't change the fact I smelled like dookey and my knee hurt. I had to move on though, and make my day better. But I chose to be upset the whole day, that is just precious time on earth wasted!
So all in all, for all who was wondering now, I am not depressed, yes I was, and yes I may have bouts such as these in the future, but no worries. C'est la vie (such is life). I am just going to have to go with the flow, take things as they come one at a time, learn to put others ego's before mine, and just maybe I will find that love for God I so desire in order to quench my thirst for such knowledge in answers to all these "unimportant" 'why' questions...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Lost
Where do I even begin. I am so confused right now. And "lost". I recently finished my senior exit project with flying colors. And now I am set in stone to graduate, I just have to show up for the last 5 days I have left where I won't be doing anything. The past couple weeks I have been doing some major contemplating on what I am going to do for a living after schooling. I have been telling myself over and over again, "the things I like doing lead to careers, of being broke or working 60+ hours a week. So I'll just get a basic degree, get a basic job, work 40 hours a week, make basic money, live a basic life, and just get by with my video games, my basic job, and my basic lifestyle."
It got me motivated enough to apply to ABTech, talk to advisers, get sorted out, send in my SAT scores, take the accuplacer for writing, figure out which degree of associative transfer I'd achieve, yadayadayada.
After tonight that is all changed. Tonight was the 19th day feast we have every (you guessed it) 19 days for my religion The Bahai Faith. (you may or may not know about that being my religion) I hadn't been to a bahai obligation in who knows how long, I just haven't. I kept telling myself I was too busy this, too busy that, when in reality I have just been avoiding the bahai faith all together. Well tonight I was invited in particularly to this feast because it was to celebrate my Graduation. SO of course I went. Well after experiencing all the generosity of those around me, and all the praying and how nice everyone was to me, I felt like utter crap.
Recently (again, the past few weeks) my mom as been talking about a raw food diet (vegan, no meat, or dairy). And it is a very appealing thought to me, I would be much healthier, and in much better shape, much better energy etc. She talks about how that is the way humans were meant to eat food, it is best to eat foods closest to their natural state. And I could not agree more. This also falls into place with my religious writings where there is one quote that says "fruits and grains are the foods of the future" or something along those lines. And yeah as appealing and awesome as that sounds, we as bahai's as a whole I feel aren't striving towards that future. I know why I haven't been. I don't feel connected to God whatsoever. Nor my religious beliefs. Whenever I pray, or we have devotions, I feel NOTHING. As terrible as that sounds. Everyone around me you can tell is thriving off the energy, getting in touch with God, meanwhile I am sitting there wondering what I am going to do when I get home, what I should eat, how that attractive woman would look in the nude, etc. And after tonight, I realize just how unknowledgable I am of not just my own faith, but of everything.
How am I supposed to know my religion is better than others? How am I supposed to know that religion is even factual at all? It isn't just some made up false sense of security for those that need it. How do I know that there exists a God at all? And above all else what is the reason I am here? What is the reason anyone is here for that matter. Why are humans, as a society living? What is our purpose in being alive? In life in general? Why am I pondering these things so heavily now? Is it because I just got finished reading A Brave New World in English? Or is it because I am buckling under the stress of my future? Is it because I am coming to the realization that I have jsut been accepting the bahai faith and not knowing? Or is it a combination of all of the above? I myself believe it is a combination of everything, and for some reason it hit me hard tonight.
I tried watching an episode on pbs.com of why we love cats and dogs, and at the end I just broke down into a sob. It was the hardest I had cried since Freshmen year. I had a total mental breakdown. I now want to know why am I here on earth? Why is there an earth? Why is there a galaxy? Why is there a universe? are there multiple universe's? And if so...Why? That is all I can ask at this point. Is why this why that, then I get to thinking religion is that reason. It is that reasoning everyone looks for, that explains all these mysteries. But what if that is all religion is? What if it isn't anything else? And in essence, I suppose it is. It IS just a belief. What happened to my belief? I don't know. I'm beginning to think I never did believe, I just accepted, I was raised bahai, and just accepted that was who I am. The only time I actually felt something towards God, was when I went on our religious pilgrimage to Haifa, Israel. That was so long ago I don't even remember what it felt like, but I am beginning to think I just felt closer because it was as close as you could get to God in the physical realm. But I still hadn't achieved the spiritual, and still haven't. I try reading a prayer, meditating on it, but I get nothing, they feel like empty words. It feels like silliness to me almost.
Bottom line in my opinion, is that there HAS to be a God, of some sort. No Science will ever explain WHY there are these things. "oh yeah it was the big bang!" nononono I want to know WHY.... WHY was there a big bang if there was one, and what was before the big bang huh???? Yeah that's what I thought. There HAS to be God. But then why did he allow such suffering here on earth? Holocaust, slavery, racism, sexism, rape, murder. WWWHHHYYYY??????
My religion explains (essentially) that the physical realm is our training wheels to that of the spiritual. And all this struggle and strife, is just spiritual preparation for the other world, that of the spiritual. And that when we die, no one goes to heaven or hell. But that we all go to The Abha Kingdom. Also the physical world is our time to pray, and achieve closeness to God, and that our souls are constantly and forever and ever will always try to achieve utmost closeness to God right next to him, but in essence will never ever be THAT close to God, but the closer you are to God the happier you are. So the worse you behaved in the physical realm, essentially places you in the same place as everyone else in the spiritual but just much further from God then others, and that is torture in itself apparently.
But my question is why? Why is there God, and why is he testing us so? And why are we perpetually achieving a closeness to God that we will never achieve? And why is he forcing our souls to go through such trials and tribulations in the first place? Why not place everyone close to God immediately?
Is that really what our purpose is? Or is our purpose to live life to the fullest, and happily for our own sake? Or.... Are we supposed to help those in need? Are we achieving human peace worldwide? And with all that is going on in our world right now, something along those lines needs to be done, all this warfare needs to stop, it will just lead to ruin, which will lead to a depressed state for all of us, which will lead to a dystopia, trapping us in a mindset where we believe it is a utopia when in fact it isn't, another Nazi type group? Do we want that? No.
So I guess the big question to me is why? My big question to life is why?
WHY?!
Perhaps someone can shed some further light on the subject...
It got me motivated enough to apply to ABTech, talk to advisers, get sorted out, send in my SAT scores, take the accuplacer for writing, figure out which degree of associative transfer I'd achieve, yadayadayada.
After tonight that is all changed. Tonight was the 19th day feast we have every (you guessed it) 19 days for my religion The Bahai Faith. (you may or may not know about that being my religion) I hadn't been to a bahai obligation in who knows how long, I just haven't. I kept telling myself I was too busy this, too busy that, when in reality I have just been avoiding the bahai faith all together. Well tonight I was invited in particularly to this feast because it was to celebrate my Graduation. SO of course I went. Well after experiencing all the generosity of those around me, and all the praying and how nice everyone was to me, I felt like utter crap.
Recently (again, the past few weeks) my mom as been talking about a raw food diet (vegan, no meat, or dairy). And it is a very appealing thought to me, I would be much healthier, and in much better shape, much better energy etc. She talks about how that is the way humans were meant to eat food, it is best to eat foods closest to their natural state. And I could not agree more. This also falls into place with my religious writings where there is one quote that says "fruits and grains are the foods of the future" or something along those lines. And yeah as appealing and awesome as that sounds, we as bahai's as a whole I feel aren't striving towards that future. I know why I haven't been. I don't feel connected to God whatsoever. Nor my religious beliefs. Whenever I pray, or we have devotions, I feel NOTHING. As terrible as that sounds. Everyone around me you can tell is thriving off the energy, getting in touch with God, meanwhile I am sitting there wondering what I am going to do when I get home, what I should eat, how that attractive woman would look in the nude, etc. And after tonight, I realize just how unknowledgable I am of not just my own faith, but of everything.
How am I supposed to know my religion is better than others? How am I supposed to know that religion is even factual at all? It isn't just some made up false sense of security for those that need it. How do I know that there exists a God at all? And above all else what is the reason I am here? What is the reason anyone is here for that matter. Why are humans, as a society living? What is our purpose in being alive? In life in general? Why am I pondering these things so heavily now? Is it because I just got finished reading A Brave New World in English? Or is it because I am buckling under the stress of my future? Is it because I am coming to the realization that I have jsut been accepting the bahai faith and not knowing? Or is it a combination of all of the above? I myself believe it is a combination of everything, and for some reason it hit me hard tonight.
I tried watching an episode on pbs.com of why we love cats and dogs, and at the end I just broke down into a sob. It was the hardest I had cried since Freshmen year. I had a total mental breakdown. I now want to know why am I here on earth? Why is there an earth? Why is there a galaxy? Why is there a universe? are there multiple universe's? And if so...Why? That is all I can ask at this point. Is why this why that, then I get to thinking religion is that reason. It is that reasoning everyone looks for, that explains all these mysteries. But what if that is all religion is? What if it isn't anything else? And in essence, I suppose it is. It IS just a belief. What happened to my belief? I don't know. I'm beginning to think I never did believe, I just accepted, I was raised bahai, and just accepted that was who I am. The only time I actually felt something towards God, was when I went on our religious pilgrimage to Haifa, Israel. That was so long ago I don't even remember what it felt like, but I am beginning to think I just felt closer because it was as close as you could get to God in the physical realm. But I still hadn't achieved the spiritual, and still haven't. I try reading a prayer, meditating on it, but I get nothing, they feel like empty words. It feels like silliness to me almost.
Bottom line in my opinion, is that there HAS to be a God, of some sort. No Science will ever explain WHY there are these things. "oh yeah it was the big bang!" nononono I want to know WHY.... WHY was there a big bang if there was one, and what was before the big bang huh???? Yeah that's what I thought. There HAS to be God. But then why did he allow such suffering here on earth? Holocaust, slavery, racism, sexism, rape, murder. WWWHHHYYYY??????
My religion explains (essentially) that the physical realm is our training wheels to that of the spiritual. And all this struggle and strife, is just spiritual preparation for the other world, that of the spiritual. And that when we die, no one goes to heaven or hell. But that we all go to The Abha Kingdom. Also the physical world is our time to pray, and achieve closeness to God, and that our souls are constantly and forever and ever will always try to achieve utmost closeness to God right next to him, but in essence will never ever be THAT close to God, but the closer you are to God the happier you are. So the worse you behaved in the physical realm, essentially places you in the same place as everyone else in the spiritual but just much further from God then others, and that is torture in itself apparently.
But my question is why? Why is there God, and why is he testing us so? And why are we perpetually achieving a closeness to God that we will never achieve? And why is he forcing our souls to go through such trials and tribulations in the first place? Why not place everyone close to God immediately?
Is that really what our purpose is? Or is our purpose to live life to the fullest, and happily for our own sake? Or.... Are we supposed to help those in need? Are we achieving human peace worldwide? And with all that is going on in our world right now, something along those lines needs to be done, all this warfare needs to stop, it will just lead to ruin, which will lead to a depressed state for all of us, which will lead to a dystopia, trapping us in a mindset where we believe it is a utopia when in fact it isn't, another Nazi type group? Do we want that? No.
So I guess the big question to me is why? My big question to life is why?
WHY?!
Perhaps someone can shed some further light on the subject...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Spring Break
My spring break this year was faaaanTASTical! (April 3rd-11th) It was actually a week long since we made our snow days up on Saturdays (5 school days, 4 weekend days) and I only had to work one shift at work, which I actually got out of early! :). So come Monday I went to a movie night at my friend Skya's house, which was super fun. We watched District 9, and Sherlock Holmes. I had just seen Sherlock Holmes the previous week at APBC (Asheville Pizza and Brewing Company) but saw District 9 for the 1st time. AMAZING! That movie was just too awesome, and very well done. I thoroughly enjoyed that they decided to use just South African actors seeing as how it took place in South Africa. Afterward some of us went out to eat at Cookout, I had just eaten a bunch of homeade mac n cheese that Skya had made so I was full, but couldn't resist one of their milkshakes. After Cookout my friends Ryan and Darius came over to my house, and we chilled and played a little Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and some Pokemon. The next day (Tuesday) they went home for the night, and I just relaxed for the evening, but come Wednesday the next day I hosted a Senji night for my friend Joshua Adam. It's his board game and he wished for a Senji night in order to justify his having the game. Then everyone at that spent the night because I was hosting a Super Smash Brothers Brawl extravaganza the next day, all day. I wound up spending 54 dollars on party food (drinks, chips, candy) :-(. Oh well, it made the party better I'm sure. Everyone participated in Brawl for a few hours but then, most people migrated over to Senji, which was a little upsetting to me, because I was wanting a Brawl party, not another Senji night, but that's what people wanted to do, I guess it IS a really fun game. I just find it a little stressful at times. That night everyone had to go home but Josh Fowler because we were planning on going to Carowinds early the next morning (Friday morning). Me, my brother Hunter, and Josh Fowler stayed up pretty late all playing Pokemon, then it came to 2am:
Josh: "What time is it Chase?"
Me: "2am"
Josh: "SHIT! We've been playing pokemon too long! We should probably go to bed since we have to wake up early"
3:30am:
Josh: "What time is it?"
Me: "3:30"
Josh: "Dammit! We need to go to bed!"
Me: "Haha, yeah.."
5am:
Josh: "What time is it?"
Me: "5.."
Josh: "Dude we have to leave to go pick up Emma in like an hour and a half.."
Me: "SHIT we need to get some sleep man!"
Josh: "Fuck it! Let's just pull an all nighter! You down?"
After some convincing, Josh convinced me to do it with him, he was driving, so it was on his shoulders, but I needed to make sure he stayed awake. He and I ganged Hunter and peer pressured him into doing it also. So sure enough us 3 sleep deprived guys got into the car to pick up sleepy head Emma. (Group of 4 me, my bro Hunter, and my friends Josh and Emma). Funny thing was Josh, Hunter, and I weren't nearly as tired as Emma.... Until about 30 minutes into the drive Josh started falling asleep. Luckily the left over Doritos, in combination with Sonic Adventure 2 Battle soundtrack woke him up. We stopped at a gas station to piss and get food and/or energy drinks. Me and Josh were the only ones to partake in any sort of purchase, we each bought a 5 hour energy. Off to Carowinds!
Carowinds was just flat out... Awesome. Perfect 70 degree weather, with a nice breeze, crystal clear skies, and best of all practically no lines!! We didn't have to wait more than 15 minutes for any ride, except for The Borg Assimilator (now "Nighthawk") because it broke down, we had to wait an hour. As a result I think we rode every single roller coaster, and then some. And multiple times. Carowinds has this new ride called "THE INTIMIDATOR!!!!!" It is a 2010 ride, and it is the fastest, longest, tallest roller coaster in the southeast!!! AMAZING!!!!! After a full day of rides AND the park being extended an hour longer of being opened (last day of their "Spring Break" special or something) We headed to subway. I must say Jersey Mikes Destroys Subway! But it was a hell of a lot cheaper then a 10$ chinese food that should have been 5. Or a 6 dollar salad that was plastic. or 6 dollar chicken strips for 3 measly ones. The ride back home we all scared Hunter extremely badly. He was asleep so we decided to make him think we were about to wreck. So me Emma, and Josh all screamed in terror, and to our surprise Hunter shot up and yelled in Emma's face. it was HILARIOUS! Because immediately Hunter snapped to himself and was like "Oh sorry... You guys just scared the SHIT out of me." He must have been having some weird dream or something, or decided to "be a part of the fun" or something in order to get that reaction. All I know is that it was funny. Towards the end of the car ride back home after 36 some odd hours of no sleep Josh and I started freakin out. He was hallucinating, and I was playing pokemon and then I would black out, then come back and be fighting a TON of elctrodes, then black out, and be surrounded by trash cans, then black out, and have gotten 2 gym badges in the Kanto region. CRAZY. But then a Led Zeppelin song came on "D'Yer Maker" and I woke up too much and just started rockin' out! Then we got home and I passed out. We all made it home safe and sound.
Future not, do NOT drive sleep deprived, it was a horrible decision, and we will never do it again. However; riding roller coasters sleep deprived was actually alright, I feel it added to the experience in a good way and made the rides more exhilarating. Carowinds was the highlight of my spring break and perhaps this whole year so far, I really hope to go again sometime this summer. ALSO, when you go to amusement parks, or Carowinds at least, 4 is THE perfect number!! Groups of 4 is just PERFECT. Every ride at Carowinds seats in 4's/2's/4's&2's.
The next day was Saturday and I got like 12 hours of sleep, I wanted to do NOTHING Saturday but wound up doing SOME things, oh well. Then Sunday I worked a mid shift but, got to go home early. And that was the end of my Spring Break! :-) I LOVED it!
Josh: "What time is it Chase?"
Me: "2am"
Josh: "SHIT! We've been playing pokemon too long! We should probably go to bed since we have to wake up early"
3:30am:
Josh: "What time is it?"
Me: "3:30"
Josh: "Dammit! We need to go to bed!"
Me: "Haha, yeah.."
5am:
Josh: "What time is it?"
Me: "5.."
Josh: "Dude we have to leave to go pick up Emma in like an hour and a half.."
Me: "SHIT we need to get some sleep man!"
Josh: "Fuck it! Let's just pull an all nighter! You down?"
After some convincing, Josh convinced me to do it with him, he was driving, so it was on his shoulders, but I needed to make sure he stayed awake. He and I ganged Hunter and peer pressured him into doing it also. So sure enough us 3 sleep deprived guys got into the car to pick up sleepy head Emma. (Group of 4 me, my bro Hunter, and my friends Josh and Emma). Funny thing was Josh, Hunter, and I weren't nearly as tired as Emma.... Until about 30 minutes into the drive Josh started falling asleep. Luckily the left over Doritos, in combination with Sonic Adventure 2 Battle soundtrack woke him up. We stopped at a gas station to piss and get food and/or energy drinks. Me and Josh were the only ones to partake in any sort of purchase, we each bought a 5 hour energy. Off to Carowinds!
Carowinds was just flat out... Awesome. Perfect 70 degree weather, with a nice breeze, crystal clear skies, and best of all practically no lines!! We didn't have to wait more than 15 minutes for any ride, except for The Borg Assimilator (now "Nighthawk") because it broke down, we had to wait an hour. As a result I think we rode every single roller coaster, and then some. And multiple times. Carowinds has this new ride called "THE INTIMIDATOR!!!!!" It is a 2010 ride, and it is the fastest, longest, tallest roller coaster in the southeast!!! AMAZING!!!!! After a full day of rides AND the park being extended an hour longer of being opened (last day of their "Spring Break" special or something) We headed to subway. I must say Jersey Mikes Destroys Subway! But it was a hell of a lot cheaper then a 10$ chinese food that should have been 5. Or a 6 dollar salad that was plastic. or 6 dollar chicken strips for 3 measly ones. The ride back home we all scared Hunter extremely badly. He was asleep so we decided to make him think we were about to wreck. So me Emma, and Josh all screamed in terror, and to our surprise Hunter shot up and yelled in Emma's face. it was HILARIOUS! Because immediately Hunter snapped to himself and was like "Oh sorry... You guys just scared the SHIT out of me." He must have been having some weird dream or something, or decided to "be a part of the fun" or something in order to get that reaction. All I know is that it was funny. Towards the end of the car ride back home after 36 some odd hours of no sleep Josh and I started freakin out. He was hallucinating, and I was playing pokemon and then I would black out, then come back and be fighting a TON of elctrodes, then black out, and be surrounded by trash cans, then black out, and have gotten 2 gym badges in the Kanto region. CRAZY. But then a Led Zeppelin song came on "D'Yer Maker" and I woke up too much and just started rockin' out! Then we got home and I passed out. We all made it home safe and sound.
Future not, do NOT drive sleep deprived, it was a horrible decision, and we will never do it again. However; riding roller coasters sleep deprived was actually alright, I feel it added to the experience in a good way and made the rides more exhilarating. Carowinds was the highlight of my spring break and perhaps this whole year so far, I really hope to go again sometime this summer. ALSO, when you go to amusement parks, or Carowinds at least, 4 is THE perfect number!! Groups of 4 is just PERFECT. Every ride at Carowinds seats in 4's/2's/4's&2's.
The next day was Saturday and I got like 12 hours of sleep, I wanted to do NOTHING Saturday but wound up doing SOME things, oh well. Then Sunday I worked a mid shift but, got to go home early. And that was the end of my Spring Break! :-) I LOVED it!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
What am I going to do with my life?
As some of you may know, I've been doing a lot of soul searching, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and what not. Trying to pick a career dealing with what I love:
Video Game
Food
Music
Now then I had to come to terms with reality and realize that I NEED money, so what sort of job includes all of those things or some of them?
Video Games
I looked into careers dealing with video games. I researched programming and found out, that that was NOT for me, I came to the conclusion, I love playing video games, not what goes into making them. So I looked into video game testing. Found out a multitude of things: Horrible pay, horrible work conditions, horrible hours, and horrible games. The games that make it into the market place are only a handful of the games that get made. Game testers test tons of games, and as a result, rarely play a good game. And when they are testing games, they have to do EVERYTHING. They must fall off every ledge, die every way possible, go against every wall in the game to make sure it really is a wall and not something you can go through, things like that. I decided that THAT was not for me.
So then I decided to mix my past compassion for writing, with video games, and look into being a video game reviewer. They play completed, for the most part, good games, and just review them, tell people their own insights on the game! But it turns out most of them are not JUST video game reviewers, a lot of times their dealing with some other position in the video game industry as well. It got to a certain point where I was beginning to rule out video games and just tell myself "Chase, you love PLAYING video games, not analyzing them." So I left it at that.
Food
It didn't take long for me to get past food as a profession. I didn't just like food. I liked eating food. That's it. Done, not interested in cooking for a living.
Music
I love music. I enjoy playing music, I love listening to music, and I love the history behind all sorts of music. So I started thinking, "Hey why not work at a coffee shop, and just play gigs here and there?" Then I thought, with any profession I choose, I can still play my sax on the side, so why limit my profession to a coffee shop?
Video Games again..
I decided to go back to video games but look into different music/sound positions in the video game industry. Sound technician, sound engineer, sound designer, yada yada yada.. I thought "Yeah! This is definitely what I want to do! Music, technology, video games, awesome." So I bought a macbook pro, sold my ps3, and then saved up for an Axiom 25. I started really getting into music technology, the professions it entailed, and experimenting with it myself, making various beats, some of which I incorporated into some raps. THEN for some stupid reason, I looked into how many hours were required to do these jobs. 60+ hours, weekends, pressure, stress, deadlines, holiday hours, etc. DAMN! NOT for me yet again!
Now some of you may be saying, "wow, you are WAY to picky on your job". And yes maybe I am, but I thought people were supposed to choose a profession they LOVED. But at this point I was feeling at a loss, maybe I am just a lazy bum, and should just become one fully. I sold a VIDEO GAME system to further pursue music technology only to find out I didn't like the long stressful hours. Furthermore I spent thousands of dollars on a macbook pro! Then 125 more dollars on a midi keyboard, which I haven't touched or seen in probably about 3-4 months! But then I realized, I wouldn't get to eat food, or play video games, or enjoy music to the extent at which I do now.
I do NOT regret by ANY means regret buying a macbook pro, it is simply amazing, and I have spent countless hours on it. I also do not regret buying a midi keyboard, because it is always something I can pick up later to mess around with, and it is very fun to do so. I do however regret selling my PS3... But then came my 18th birthday my brother bought me a new one! That was possibly one of the happiest days of my life, because again I love playing video games, and as much fun as wii's are, PS3 had so many more games I wanted.
So it was down to this: What job can I do, that won't be anymore than 40 hours a week, where the pay is decent, and I don't mind the job TOO much? The answer to that, there are plenty of jobs, but none of which peaked my interest. Then I started thinking about what classes in school I have loved, and have always loved. Band. There hasn't been any point in my life where I have not liked band. In some cases I would go so far as to say it is the reason I have not dropped out of school! So I turned to my band teacher, who is probably my favorite teacher I have ever had in my life up to this point. Mr. Talley, or William Talley III. He is the man, 'nuff said. I started asking him about music education, and he said to be a band teacher, means to be broke, which means you have to love what you are doing, and he does. Then I looked into teaching. You get all government holidays off, summer break, all in all that is a good 3 months not having to work! (video game time anyone? :-)) Then I looked at the pay, and unless you were a professor, the pay is crap. That saddened me a lot. And Talley said he likes his job, but it can be very stressful at times, and due to the bureaucracy there are many things that are just "stupid". Teaching was becoming less and less appealing. But I did like the thought of helping kids excel, and teaching music. I have always been good around kids, and have always had a thought in the back of my head of doing something to help people, hospital job, peace corps... anything. But I didn't like the idea of the different scary things that could come of being a teacher. (Bad work conditions, huge amounts of rambunctious kids giving you a hard time) You don't know what you could get. I also didn't really want to have to be a BAND teacher. They have to do concerts, contests, marching band. (AKA a lot more than other teachers). So then I looked into being a teacher for music history, or jazz studies. Talley told me that would require a masters at LEAST. So I looked into masters, bachelors, doctorates etc. Long story short: I came to the conclusion, I want a minimal amount of school, masters maybe depending on if I like the subject enough, and want more money and opportunities, but doctorate? Absolutely not. WAY too much school. I just want to be done with school, and just start working. So being a college professor was out of the question. As appealing as it was.
Marine Band
No.. As mentioned in my last blog I am a conscientious objector
I have always had the plan of getting my associates at ABTech, then transferring to another in state university for my major, and Bachelor's. This was set in stone from the beginning. "I'll just figure out what I wanna do while at ABTech!" This much of a blind plan is frightening to anyone. Also after I got my bachelor's I would just go to Japan! That would provide a year of living! But then what? And what if I didn't make it into the JET program? (It is very competitive). Then what? So I continued to look into different things, taking career quizzes and the whole bit.
Music Therapy
I have come across music therapy on multiple occasion, but sort of shoved it aside thinking there weren't enough jobs for it and it wouldn't pay enough. But oh how wrong I was! There are plenty of jobs ranging from private therapy to general hospitals, to schools! I needed to look up the requirements, and the hours per week, to make sure it was the perfect job. (fingers crossed) Hours per week: very flexible, basically, there is no need to work over 40 hours a week. Average Music Therapist salary: $77,000. Okay that is very nice!
Now for the education (Oh so close!) There are different ways you can go to become a music therapist. But basically, you have to go to a school that has an approved Music Therapy program, that you get your bachelor's of music in. At that point you are eligible in testing for the certification of becoming a music therapist. (Equivalency track) YAY! I have found it! Then there is the master's route, where you can further your education to get your master's which basically just ventures into the more advanced route of Music Therapy, after you are certified. Yes yes yes. Sounds quite awesome to me!
I HELP PEOPLE through MUSIC, the HOURS are not bad, and PAY is great!(for me) The age group of the people you help range from little kids, to adults, with mental issues, physical issues, or emotional issues. Yes I think this job is for me... My goal at this point in my life is to pursue being a Music Therapist. :-) I will got to ABTech for 2 years to get my associates, then I will transfer to either APP state, Queens university, or ECU to become a Music Therapist!
I am VERY excited about this new found mission of mine, and plan with every fiber of my bean to become a music therapist, and help people, through the art of music and the psychological, sociological, sciences behind it.
Video Game
Food
Music
Now then I had to come to terms with reality and realize that I NEED money, so what sort of job includes all of those things or some of them?
Video Games
I looked into careers dealing with video games. I researched programming and found out, that that was NOT for me, I came to the conclusion, I love playing video games, not what goes into making them. So I looked into video game testing. Found out a multitude of things: Horrible pay, horrible work conditions, horrible hours, and horrible games. The games that make it into the market place are only a handful of the games that get made. Game testers test tons of games, and as a result, rarely play a good game. And when they are testing games, they have to do EVERYTHING. They must fall off every ledge, die every way possible, go against every wall in the game to make sure it really is a wall and not something you can go through, things like that. I decided that THAT was not for me.
So then I decided to mix my past compassion for writing, with video games, and look into being a video game reviewer. They play completed, for the most part, good games, and just review them, tell people their own insights on the game! But it turns out most of them are not JUST video game reviewers, a lot of times their dealing with some other position in the video game industry as well. It got to a certain point where I was beginning to rule out video games and just tell myself "Chase, you love PLAYING video games, not analyzing them." So I left it at that.
Food
It didn't take long for me to get past food as a profession. I didn't just like food. I liked eating food. That's it. Done, not interested in cooking for a living.
Music
I love music. I enjoy playing music, I love listening to music, and I love the history behind all sorts of music. So I started thinking, "Hey why not work at a coffee shop, and just play gigs here and there?" Then I thought, with any profession I choose, I can still play my sax on the side, so why limit my profession to a coffee shop?
Video Games again..
I decided to go back to video games but look into different music/sound positions in the video game industry. Sound technician, sound engineer, sound designer, yada yada yada.. I thought "Yeah! This is definitely what I want to do! Music, technology, video games, awesome." So I bought a macbook pro, sold my ps3, and then saved up for an Axiom 25. I started really getting into music technology, the professions it entailed, and experimenting with it myself, making various beats, some of which I incorporated into some raps. THEN for some stupid reason, I looked into how many hours were required to do these jobs. 60+ hours, weekends, pressure, stress, deadlines, holiday hours, etc. DAMN! NOT for me yet again!
Now some of you may be saying, "wow, you are WAY to picky on your job". And yes maybe I am, but I thought people were supposed to choose a profession they LOVED. But at this point I was feeling at a loss, maybe I am just a lazy bum, and should just become one fully. I sold a VIDEO GAME system to further pursue music technology only to find out I didn't like the long stressful hours. Furthermore I spent thousands of dollars on a macbook pro! Then 125 more dollars on a midi keyboard, which I haven't touched or seen in probably about 3-4 months! But then I realized, I wouldn't get to eat food, or play video games, or enjoy music to the extent at which I do now.
I do NOT regret by ANY means regret buying a macbook pro, it is simply amazing, and I have spent countless hours on it. I also do not regret buying a midi keyboard, because it is always something I can pick up later to mess around with, and it is very fun to do so. I do however regret selling my PS3... But then came my 18th birthday my brother bought me a new one! That was possibly one of the happiest days of my life, because again I love playing video games, and as much fun as wii's are, PS3 had so many more games I wanted.
So it was down to this: What job can I do, that won't be anymore than 40 hours a week, where the pay is decent, and I don't mind the job TOO much? The answer to that, there are plenty of jobs, but none of which peaked my interest. Then I started thinking about what classes in school I have loved, and have always loved. Band. There hasn't been any point in my life where I have not liked band. In some cases I would go so far as to say it is the reason I have not dropped out of school! So I turned to my band teacher, who is probably my favorite teacher I have ever had in my life up to this point. Mr. Talley, or William Talley III. He is the man, 'nuff said. I started asking him about music education, and he said to be a band teacher, means to be broke, which means you have to love what you are doing, and he does. Then I looked into teaching. You get all government holidays off, summer break, all in all that is a good 3 months not having to work! (video game time anyone? :-)) Then I looked at the pay, and unless you were a professor, the pay is crap. That saddened me a lot. And Talley said he likes his job, but it can be very stressful at times, and due to the bureaucracy there are many things that are just "stupid". Teaching was becoming less and less appealing. But I did like the thought of helping kids excel, and teaching music. I have always been good around kids, and have always had a thought in the back of my head of doing something to help people, hospital job, peace corps... anything. But I didn't like the idea of the different scary things that could come of being a teacher. (Bad work conditions, huge amounts of rambunctious kids giving you a hard time) You don't know what you could get. I also didn't really want to have to be a BAND teacher. They have to do concerts, contests, marching band. (AKA a lot more than other teachers). So then I looked into being a teacher for music history, or jazz studies. Talley told me that would require a masters at LEAST. So I looked into masters, bachelors, doctorates etc. Long story short: I came to the conclusion, I want a minimal amount of school, masters maybe depending on if I like the subject enough, and want more money and opportunities, but doctorate? Absolutely not. WAY too much school. I just want to be done with school, and just start working. So being a college professor was out of the question. As appealing as it was.
Marine Band
No.. As mentioned in my last blog I am a conscientious objector
I have always had the plan of getting my associates at ABTech, then transferring to another in state university for my major, and Bachelor's. This was set in stone from the beginning. "I'll just figure out what I wanna do while at ABTech!" This much of a blind plan is frightening to anyone. Also after I got my bachelor's I would just go to Japan! That would provide a year of living! But then what? And what if I didn't make it into the JET program? (It is very competitive). Then what? So I continued to look into different things, taking career quizzes and the whole bit.
Music Therapy
I have come across music therapy on multiple occasion, but sort of shoved it aside thinking there weren't enough jobs for it and it wouldn't pay enough. But oh how wrong I was! There are plenty of jobs ranging from private therapy to general hospitals, to schools! I needed to look up the requirements, and the hours per week, to make sure it was the perfect job. (fingers crossed) Hours per week: very flexible, basically, there is no need to work over 40 hours a week. Average Music Therapist salary: $77,000. Okay that is very nice!
Now for the education (Oh so close!) There are different ways you can go to become a music therapist. But basically, you have to go to a school that has an approved Music Therapy program, that you get your bachelor's of music in. At that point you are eligible in testing for the certification of becoming a music therapist. (Equivalency track) YAY! I have found it! Then there is the master's route, where you can further your education to get your master's which basically just ventures into the more advanced route of Music Therapy, after you are certified. Yes yes yes. Sounds quite awesome to me!
I HELP PEOPLE through MUSIC, the HOURS are not bad, and PAY is great!(for me) The age group of the people you help range from little kids, to adults, with mental issues, physical issues, or emotional issues. Yes I think this job is for me... My goal at this point in my life is to pursue being a Music Therapist. :-) I will got to ABTech for 2 years to get my associates, then I will transfer to either APP state, Queens university, or ECU to become a Music Therapist!
I am VERY excited about this new found mission of mine, and plan with every fiber of my bean to become a music therapist, and help people, through the art of music and the psychological, sociological, sciences behind it.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
"The Few, the Proud, the Ma-" Nahhhh
I have been doing some serious thinking on what i want to do with my life in the years ahead after high school. I recently spoke with a friend of mine Joshua Adam who told me of his plan of getting his Bachelor's and going to teach English in Japan for a year. He told me about it and apparently you don't have to know a lick of Japanese, they pay for you airfare, and it is a paying job when you do get to Japan. I thought to myself "WOW!" It just sounds to amazing. I can get my bachelor's in anything, and I was considering in going into the field of teaching Music History or jazz studies anyway so I was going to need a bachelor's of some sort. I can use that and go teach in Japan for a year getting possibly the greatest experience/adventure of a lifetime, all the while getting paid. How could it get better???
The next day I get home from school, rush through my homework, and fell asleep for a nap before I had to go to Community Band. Next thing I know my mom comes into my bedroom waking up a good 20 minutes before I needed to get up >:-O. She tells me I have a phone call. I say "What?! I'm trying to sleep!" She says "it's for you" I say "Yeah? Who the hell wants to call me on your home phone???" She says "It's the marines." I immediately shot out of bed smacked my face awake and commenced a 20 minute conversation with a Staff Sergeant.
He some how was able to talk me into meeting with him the next day for a meeting to ask questions about Marine Band. I was actually sort of stoked. No fighting, just playing music at a professional level, and they provide the expenses of the instruments and such! That on top of all the great benefits that come with being in the military (dental, 20 year retirement, etc.) I was super excited. So I come into Band the next day and I see a guy in a marine uniform. I KNEW that was the guy that called me. Sure enough he came up to me asked my name, and was like "I talked to you on the phone last night!" haha okay... creepy???? At this point there was no backing out of the meeting though. So I get there 30 minutes early catching him unawares, not in uniform... and smoking.... Yuck. That was the first turn off. Because that meant I was most likely going to be around a lot of smokers being in the marines. So I get inside, and first thing he says to me "You need to take a test" I'm like "Umm what about all my questions?" He's like "Well we need you to take this test before you answer any questions just so we know you are mentally prepared." So I was thinking well dammit! I have a ton of homework, I'm sleep deprived, and I just go out of school! What makes him think I want to take a stupid test??? But what I said was "Okay sure"
I finish the test (which was timed) in about 20 minutes I guess. I made a 54/99 which apparently was really good and he told me anything above a 50 was in good shape so I said great! Finally I get to ask my questions (I had written a list of questions out like he had told me the night before). But he says "Alright well I'm gonna tell you just about the Marines first, then you can ask questions, THEN we can talk about Marine Band." So I say okayyyyyyy. After some talking he hands me some "tags" that have different values written on them such as "virtue, discipline, financial security, travel/adventure... etc" he told me to organize them from wanting to achieve the most/sooner to the least/later in life. So then I finish organizing them and he starts talking me through the top 4 of mine (Financial security, travel and adventure, educational opportunities, and technical preparation) we get through the first one. YAY! sounding good so far! Then we get partway through the adventure/travel one and how I could be stationed in Japan if I wanted and guard the embassy. So I said "all I want to do is play my instrument, I didn't think I'd be involved in any combat. It actually against my religion to participate in any sort of combat war related, we do not believe in war." So he says "well, whaddya mean?" SO I say "I mean I do not wish to ever participate in ANY combat." Then everyone (all the sergeants) went quiet and all sort of looked at me in a look of surprise and perhaps some disgust. And one says very sternly "Do you consider yourself a conscientious objector?" I was like "I am not totally sure what that means." He says "Well if someone was pointing a gun at you or your marine friend, and you had to ability to kill him first, would you?" And I was like "Well yeah of course! I'm not one to just not fight for my life or my friends. But that doesn't by any means make me wish to participate in warfare, I do not want a part of that, those are my beliefs, and if those beliefs make me a "conscientious objector" then I guess I am not fit for duty." They told me sorry for the time, and not having asked it earlier, they all shook my hand, and had me on my way.
I got into my car, and actually started laughing, I started laughing... Hysterically! For no particular reason! I think it may have had something to do with my being relieved that the armed forces do not want me that I would be considered a "liability". It made me realize how much more appealing Japan was, and how much hell of a "righter" it seemed for me. The thought of going to Japan to teach just makes me feel so much better inside, and actually happy, and I just came to an overall realization that the armed forces are not for me, and won't ever be, and if that makes me a "Conscientious Objector" then by God so be it! I want to go to Japan with my friend Joshua Adam, and as of right now I REALLY want to, more than ever!!! The Few, the Proud, the Conscientious Objectors...
The next day I get home from school, rush through my homework, and fell asleep for a nap before I had to go to Community Band. Next thing I know my mom comes into my bedroom waking up a good 20 minutes before I needed to get up >:-O. She tells me I have a phone call. I say "What?! I'm trying to sleep!" She says "it's for you" I say "Yeah? Who the hell wants to call me on your home phone???" She says "It's the marines." I immediately shot out of bed smacked my face awake and commenced a 20 minute conversation with a Staff Sergeant.
He some how was able to talk me into meeting with him the next day for a meeting to ask questions about Marine Band. I was actually sort of stoked. No fighting, just playing music at a professional level, and they provide the expenses of the instruments and such! That on top of all the great benefits that come with being in the military (dental, 20 year retirement, etc.) I was super excited. So I come into Band the next day and I see a guy in a marine uniform. I KNEW that was the guy that called me. Sure enough he came up to me asked my name, and was like "I talked to you on the phone last night!" haha okay... creepy???? At this point there was no backing out of the meeting though. So I get there 30 minutes early catching him unawares, not in uniform... and smoking.... Yuck. That was the first turn off. Because that meant I was most likely going to be around a lot of smokers being in the marines. So I get inside, and first thing he says to me "You need to take a test" I'm like "Umm what about all my questions?" He's like "Well we need you to take this test before you answer any questions just so we know you are mentally prepared." So I was thinking well dammit! I have a ton of homework, I'm sleep deprived, and I just go out of school! What makes him think I want to take a stupid test??? But what I said was "Okay sure"
I finish the test (which was timed) in about 20 minutes I guess. I made a 54/99 which apparently was really good and he told me anything above a 50 was in good shape so I said great! Finally I get to ask my questions (I had written a list of questions out like he had told me the night before). But he says "Alright well I'm gonna tell you just about the Marines first, then you can ask questions, THEN we can talk about Marine Band." So I say okayyyyyyy. After some talking he hands me some "tags" that have different values written on them such as "virtue, discipline, financial security, travel/adventure... etc" he told me to organize them from wanting to achieve the most/sooner to the least/later in life. So then I finish organizing them and he starts talking me through the top 4 of mine (Financial security, travel and adventure, educational opportunities, and technical preparation) we get through the first one. YAY! sounding good so far! Then we get partway through the adventure/travel one and how I could be stationed in Japan if I wanted and guard the embassy. So I said "all I want to do is play my instrument, I didn't think I'd be involved in any combat. It actually against my religion to participate in any sort of combat war related, we do not believe in war." So he says "well, whaddya mean?" SO I say "I mean I do not wish to ever participate in ANY combat." Then everyone (all the sergeants) went quiet and all sort of looked at me in a look of surprise and perhaps some disgust. And one says very sternly "Do you consider yourself a conscientious objector?" I was like "I am not totally sure what that means." He says "Well if someone was pointing a gun at you or your marine friend, and you had to ability to kill him first, would you?" And I was like "Well yeah of course! I'm not one to just not fight for my life or my friends. But that doesn't by any means make me wish to participate in warfare, I do not want a part of that, those are my beliefs, and if those beliefs make me a "conscientious objector" then I guess I am not fit for duty." They told me sorry for the time, and not having asked it earlier, they all shook my hand, and had me on my way.
I got into my car, and actually started laughing, I started laughing... Hysterically! For no particular reason! I think it may have had something to do with my being relieved that the armed forces do not want me that I would be considered a "liability". It made me realize how much more appealing Japan was, and how much hell of a "righter" it seemed for me. The thought of going to Japan to teach just makes me feel so much better inside, and actually happy, and I just came to an overall realization that the armed forces are not for me, and won't ever be, and if that makes me a "Conscientious Objector" then by God so be it! I want to go to Japan with my friend Joshua Adam, and as of right now I REALLY want to, more than ever!!! The Few, the Proud, the Conscientious Objectors...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Early dismissal
So yesterday, our winter storm warning changed to blizzard warning in the middle of the day at school, and even though it was sunny outside, we got sent home at 1:30!!! So my friend Ryan came over and we chilled for a while, and I said to myself nahhh there won't be school tomorrow! So I stayed up till 3AM, and didn't do any of my homework. Turned out we had school ,but it was a two hour delay thank goodness!
Had another quixotica rehearsal today, even though the other person in my play was sick and wasn't there.. Didn't quite make the most successful rehearsal, but whatever.
I have decided on teh topic of my senior exit project also! "The Importance of Music in Film!"
Let me just tell you now, I LOVE film, like a lot. And I also LOVE music. SO why not combine the two to make a pretty interesting graduation project?
I know I mentioned earlier I started writing a story a WHILE ago. I got 3 chapters into it, when I stopped... I'm not sure why. But I have decided to start posting the chapters on my blog. Not all at once though, because I have to write more chapters, and I'd like to see the reaction I get to the first chapter at least.
Look forward to the first chapter sometime this week.
You will have to bear with it, it might be lame in some parts, and you will most definitely see amateur writing in other parts. This is mainly for me, and to get me motivated to finish my story! Thank you and good night!!!!!!!!!
Had another quixotica rehearsal today, even though the other person in my play was sick and wasn't there.. Didn't quite make the most successful rehearsal, but whatever.
I have decided on teh topic of my senior exit project also! "The Importance of Music in Film!"
Let me just tell you now, I LOVE film, like a lot. And I also LOVE music. SO why not combine the two to make a pretty interesting graduation project?
I know I mentioned earlier I started writing a story a WHILE ago. I got 3 chapters into it, when I stopped... I'm not sure why. But I have decided to start posting the chapters on my blog. Not all at once though, because I have to write more chapters, and I'd like to see the reaction I get to the first chapter at least.
Look forward to the first chapter sometime this week.
You will have to bear with it, it might be lame in some parts, and you will most definitely see amateur writing in other parts. This is mainly for me, and to get me motivated to finish my story! Thank you and good night!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Quixotica!
So I mentioned Quixotica yesterday but didn't really explain what it's all about. It's basically a series of one act plays all together to make one show, hosted by my school Asheville High, and I am in the act "The Open Door" by Alfred Sutro. It is oh so very long, which means way more memorization, but that's okay it should be good just means more work. All of the acts look to be really good this year so people should definitely come see it.
Oh yeah, it didn't snow... :-(. So I awoke at 7:10 sleepy as ever, no snow, just had to go to school half asleep, eyes full of dreariness. Chugged through the school day, and then had rehearsal. It went pretty well, even though we're not off book yet.
Well, I'm at a loss as to what to say, aside from Quixotica, so I'll just leave it at that and hopefully bring something a little more to the table next time..
Oh yeah, it didn't snow... :-(. So I awoke at 7:10 sleepy as ever, no snow, just had to go to school half asleep, eyes full of dreariness. Chugged through the school day, and then had rehearsal. It went pretty well, even though we're not off book yet.
Well, I'm at a loss as to what to say, aside from Quixotica, so I'll just leave it at that and hopefully bring something a little more to the table next time..
Monday, February 8, 2010
My first blog!
It is approximately 1:26 in the morning, as I ponder why the hell I am still up! I have to be up by 7:10 tomorrow, for a 7 hour school day, and then a Quixotica rehearsal. Ahh who knows though, maybe it will snow.
Pardon me if my blog seems awkward or off, I have just started this whole "blogging" thing, and I am not totally sure how I feel about it just yet. I enjoy writing, and have my entire life, unfortunately I do not read enough for good experience and ideas, and I have hated every English class I have ever had.
I just finished reading my friends blog up to date, and it has inspired me to start up my own blog, I think mainly because it gives me motive and and an excuse to start writing again. Maybe this will somehow encourage me to start reading more books, and finish my story as well. Yes this would be nice!!
Well enough chitchat for now, for I must depart to the depths of my bed covers for a whopping 5 hours and 45 minutes of sleep! Unless it snows.... >:-)
Pardon me if my blog seems awkward or off, I have just started this whole "blogging" thing, and I am not totally sure how I feel about it just yet. I enjoy writing, and have my entire life, unfortunately I do not read enough for good experience and ideas, and I have hated every English class I have ever had.
I just finished reading my friends blog up to date, and it has inspired me to start up my own blog, I think mainly because it gives me motive and and an excuse to start writing again. Maybe this will somehow encourage me to start reading more books, and finish my story as well. Yes this would be nice!!
Well enough chitchat for now, for I must depart to the depths of my bed covers for a whopping 5 hours and 45 minutes of sleep! Unless it snows.... >:-)
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